Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Is this your first?"

"Is this your first baby?" Even before I got pregnant with Jonah I knew I was going to be asked this question. This is a tough question for me and I have been hearing it a lot, like almost every other day. I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable or awkward so sometimes I say yes. But I immediately feel terrible and feel like I have let Leyton down or feel like I am forgetting him when I don't mention him to people.

(not sure if I've already shared this before...) I remember the first time I heard the question but it was actually directed toward my mother. My mother came with me to one of my first OB appointments (I think I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Jonah) and the nurse asked my mother if this was her first grand-baby and without any hesitation she quickly responded, "No, this is my second." Hearing my mother say that was really encouraging to me.

Having Jonah has made my heart so full and my heart melts every time he smiles at me. But there is still a place in my heart that hurts everyday when I think of Leyton. He is my first son and I want to honor his memory when people ask me about my children.


Josh has been working some long hours with his ER rotation, so Jonah and I have been kickin' it during the day (a major change from Josh's other rotations this year). As you can imagine this almost 5 month old has been keeping me busy. So thankful for this sweet boy.


  1. hi, i am a friend of libby's and stumbled on your blog when i was pregnant with my 2nd. i miscarried shortly after. i am now pregnant again and very anxious, but i too stumble when people ask me if my son is my only baby. it's natural now to say i am expecting my second, but i've already been here before and it feels unnatural to not acknowledge it. it's a strange balance and even stranger when you end up making someone feeling uncomfortable. i still haven't figured it out...taking it as it comes. so happy for you! i don't know you, but you give me hope for this 3rd baby!

  2. Thank you for this reminder that we need to watch what we say to people. Is 'have you ever been pregnant' any better?

  3. Thanks for sharing that, my friend. You are an amazing Mama.

  4. I'm sorry. I love you. And I love your mom. Enjoy hanging with your little friend.

  5. I love you and your sweet heart that you have shared with us so generously. Leyton and Jonah have such a wonderful mother! I miss Leyton very much, and I think you have honored his memory well by naming his brother after him, Jonah Leyton.


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