I'm not quite sure why I'm not sleeping right now. I woke up at about 2:30am and haven't been able to get back to sleep. I woke up hungry but I often wake up hungry but I can always ignore it. I don't even want to go down the path of eating in the middle of the night because that could get dangerous. And I'm a little uncomfortable because my hips are sore but I don't think that is what was keeping me up. I felt for some reason the Lord wanted me to be up.
Often when I'm not sleeping, I pray in bed for whoever the Lord is laying on my heart or just go down my list of everyone in my family and my friends. But I didn't feel like this is what the Lord was laying on my heart. I started thinking maybe I'm up because Josh has a low blood sugar and I need to check on him, but he wasn't displaying the usual signs he gets when he's low.
Then I start playing a game I have when I'm not sleeping...I'll give myself until 3am and if I'm not asleep by then I'll get up...3am rolls around I give myself 15 more minutes...and another 15 minutes. This can go on for a long time because I hate getting up in the middle of the night. But at about 3:30am I got a horrible urge to pee so bad I had to get up (this would have been my second trip getting up to use the restroom tonight). So I'm up, I quietly grab my pillow and head downstairs. And I did grab a yogurt because I was really hungry.
I knew the Lord had something to share with me. I've been reading through John and when I saw where I left off at John 16, I knew this what the Lord was wanting to share with me. At about verse 5 Jesus is telling his disciples that He is going back to the One who sent Him but the Spirit of Truth (the Holy Spirit) is going to be with them. My girls' group and I just started a new Bible study on the Holy Spirit. We are reading The Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. We just finished his book Crazy Love and it was amazing and I highly recommend it.) Anyways...I've been trying to pay more attention to the Holy Spirit at work in my life, recognizing the Holy Spirit is always with me.
I kept reading the rest of the chapter but was totally stopped at the second part of verse 20, "You will grieve but your grief will turn to joy."
Already this week I have seen clear evidence of the Holy Spirit at work in my life. I'm really seeking Him to continue to reveal His truth to me. I believe the Lord brought me to John 16 this morning to reveal something to me, but I don't want to read into anything or take it out of context. Just like I felt the Lord told me (through a friend) when we were going to get pregnant again, in the spring (and we did, we found out on April 2, Good Friday), I wasn't sure at first if that was the Lord or if I was reading into something. So I spent a lot of time in praying and seeking the Lord. And that's kind of where I'm at now with this passage in John 16:20-22. You better believe I'll be covering this too in prayer and seeking the Lord for what He has for me out of this passage. But that in itself is a beautiful thing, as I continue to draw closer to the Lord I know He is drawing closer to me.